On Dating a Realtor

Bnaksy Hell's KitchenI’ve been doing this real estate gig for about 15 years. Needless to say, I’ve met and still meet a lot of people—agents, buyers, sellers, renters and serial open house moonlighters. Some of these people I get to know rather well, others I don’t. For whatever reason, possibly it’s just from meeting so many people—selling real estate in two different states, I’m asked to go a ton of dates. It has never mattered if I was married (at the time), rather chunky (circa 2004-2006) or if I’ve shown absolutely no interest in anything other than being “All Business,” the invites and flirtations just keep on knockin’.  And I know that I’m not alone: It happens to almost everyone in this business of real estate, regardless if it’s NYC or Cleveland.

So, I’ve decided to have a little fun, today, revealing to you what it’s like to go on a date or even embrace a relationship with a Realtor. (It’s far from sexy and all in good jest!)

  •  WE ARE ALSWAYS LATE. It doesn’t matter if it’s to dinner, an anniversary celebration, a birthday, a night at the opera or whatever YOU can count on us to be there at least a hour after we were supposed to meet you because we’re still at the office–always trying to close a deal—and sometimes we just don’t show up, too.
  • WE CONSTANTLY CHECK OUR EMAIL. So, if we happen to meet you for dinner (late, obviously) we’ll be checking our emails, incessantly, on our smartphones. Most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it, aka, being rude to you; it’s just an extension of our brain, and because we don’t want to miss an “opportunity” or screw-up a deal (as it has happened a few times in the past. We just can’t forget that ole’ burn). And if you would happen to get to the next level—an intimate moment, per se, and we happen to hear that notification from our phone, in the distance, there’s probably a good chance that we’re not focused on being swept away in the throws-of-passion anymore because now we’re wondering who and which deal that “notification” is from…
  • WE HAVE MANY CONFIDENTIAL PHONE CALLS. Routinely we’ll ask to be excused from your presence, briefly.  “I’m sorry, but I have to take this call,” leaving you to dine alone, while we dash for the door (but we always come back 5 minutes later).  Then, roughly 30 minutes later, we’ll pardon ourselves again, “I’m so sorry, I need to use the loo,” folding our napkin on the table, meticulously, because we’re disguising guilt—that we don’t really need to relieve ourselves, just make another “confidential call.”  This time in the toilet stall.
  • WE ARE GENEROUS. When our real estate pipeline is bursting we are incredible givers: Over-the-top gifts, swanky dinners (which we “excuse” ourselves from in between courses), trips (although they are short, not lasting more than 3 days because we have to get back to biz), and the list goes on.
  • WE HIT A DRY PATCH SOMETIMES. When this happens we’ll ask you to pick-up the check, because our next “ BIG deal” isn’t closing for 90 days, and we need to conserve our funds—for our business expenses, such as entertaining our clients.
  • WE ARE EXTREMELY FRIENDLY.  Downright nice to everyone: Check-out line at the grocery, the barista at Starbucks, your family members, your facebook friends (who sometimes we cyber-stalk), your co-workers, and so on because we see EVERYONE as a potential client.
  • WE ARE FUN!  Yes, on those brief moments, when we can actually come up for air, we party. Heck, we’re the life of the party (for the 30 minutes we’re there).

As you’ve probably surmised by now, we’re not the best people to date. We ALWAYS have real estate on the brain, 24/7. And, okay, so sometimes we think about it—dating and lovers and all of that, but then the phone rings and we’re romanced by, once again, another deal.

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2 thoughts on “On Dating a Realtor

  1. The honesty is much appreciated, though my interest would be in those two minutes each decade when the cellphone battery was dead, lights and tights were off, and, miraculously, all other deals but the present one forgotten. Best, Wm. Eaton, Montaigbakhtinian

    1. Agree, William and I like the way you think. Disclosure: I was having extreme fun with those in my profession when I wrote this (after watching an episode of Million $ Listing)

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